Let me show you what you want

Greetings, interwebs. Here is a story about the culinary stylings of a Chef (Storm--he does the cooking) and his girlfriend (Aja--she does the eating. and the writing. also the making of the tapioca.)They were introduced by an algorithm called Cupid, but found that in the real world, their lingua franca was food. Especially bacon. Ohhhhh bacon...

Homemade bacon. 

But I digress.

In the early days of their courtship, Storm made many meals in the confines of Aja's dinky apartment kitchen, narrating ingredients and directions so she'd remember the recipe for the next time, scolding her for possessing inferior tools and raw materials.

(an excerpt from Chef Storm's rules of flavor-osity)

Always use fresh garlic. Not pre-pealed, prepackaged garbage. Not that pre-chopped crap in a jar. I can see it in your fridge. What do you mean you don't know how it got there? 
FRESH. 

And it came to pass that Aja's friends and family wanted Storm to cook for them. It turned out that 90% of dating a chef meant making everyone around you salivate any time they checked your Facebook page. So, being that they liked each other and felt relatively certain they could endure car rides of 30 minutes or more together, they would travel up and down the East Coast to flavorize the friemily. 

What they discovered was that, in most cases, even the best amateur cook lacks the proper appliances and ingredients (read: no FRESH garlic)necessary for culinary success. This, however, did not apply to Aja's father, "Mr. Sir", who upon first meeting Storm, greeted him with a brand new prosciutto knife, which went nicely with the 8lbs of Parma Storm had brought as an offering. Contrary to popular belief, the knife was not wielded as a pissed off hillbilly might a gun.

Often friemily have some scary version of what they think you need. Ketchup gone black, as it is not shelf stable for more than 20 years; McCormick's taco seasoning, when you asked for black pepper; or, most puzzlingly, Mongolian Fire Oil, particularly when you have not asked for anything remotely Asian to season your tomato soup.

What IS this stuff?? Why does EVERYONE have it?

The equipment side of things was equally terrible. "Knives" from Ikea, which wouldn't cut you if you fell face first onto the point from 100 stories, much less slice anything useful; strange plastic devices for poaching eggs in microwaves; grilling tongs with plastic tips. Storm always travelled with a knife roll, but he could not bring everything he needed to every home, as there was not enough space in the car. 

Between surveying homes and kitchen stores, Aja and Storm came to the conclusion that most tools were marketed for their looks rather than their function, and most people bought them because they were pretty. Or a conversation starter. 

Case in point.

Then, Aja had an epiphany. What if they picked out, with Storm's chefspertise, and marketed, with her sardonically delivered mix fact and hyperbole, the things you need the most: kitchen tested, Chef approved kits which blend maximum function with minimum price. They could create recipes to match, which would make the most of the new tools, and prove what you've been missing all along. US.

Here we are. The Outfooders. Let us show you want you want. We'll outfit your kitchen, and outfood your life. Forks up!